anxious

I am feeling rather anxious about next monday, because that is when I finally find out whether I get a spot in the Teach for America Corps. I really hope I do but if that is not what happens then that is what is meant to be and I will move on. I just really hope it happens because I am excited about the prospect of being able to go somewhere new and exciting, start a new and make a difference in the lives of many children.

It has been kind of difficult the last few weeks but I feel like I am moving toward a better place and can see the decisions that I made in perspective. I feel better being able to see that I did the right thing and it will feel even better when I have totally moved on. But for now I am definitely getting there, slowly but surely.

Other than that, graduation is coming up fast, in only 31 days!!! basically a month from tomorrow!! It is exciting but scary all at the same time. I want to graduate but it means leaving the safe haven of my school world where I can just hide behind my books and keep learning indefinitely. But it is time that I get out into the "real world" and "make something of my life" like all parents tell us we have to do eventually. oh life, it is tricky and throws us some nasty curves but eventually we will get where we want to be. I just have to continue to persevere.

Forests

So back in high school one of my best friends and I had this thing where we would say that we needed to "escape to our forest" and basically that meant that we needed to go to this metaphorical calm and peaceful place. Just like getting lost inside a forest and having no interaction with other people and just being able to be by yourself and think. Well today I was having a hard time with everything and I decided to go rollerblading to clam myself down and be able to think clearly. I went to this park and out on one of the trails there is a lake and I just sat down by it while the wind was blowing and the sun was shining and I just felt this incredible sense of calm and clarity that I don't think I have felt for years. I remember back sophomore and junior year when I was able to get away from everything and feel like this but life has just been so busy and crazy that I don't think I have actually tried to find that sense of calm at least in the memorable past.

I feel so much better now. I know that things will work out however they are supposed to. And I have realized that I can let go and move on. Life can be calm and peaceful and positive if I give it the chance to be that way instead of always layering it with stress and anxiety. So I'm really glad that I have been able to see this and hopefully move on to better things! :)