A crazy analogy

Question of the day: Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

Yes, I am aware that this is the title of a popular song, but every time I hear it, it gets me thinking. It's not just a battlefield in the sense that you fight with the person you love. It's the whole metaphor of getting ready for and going into battle. When you go into a relationship, you have all of your defenses up and you're ready for a fight- a fight for love, a fight to find the love of your life. And as it goes on, your defenses get torn down and you become more vulnerable and at the same time you get more involved- both emotionally and physically. And at the climax of the battle you either win by finding that love and getting to keep it or you lose by getting your heart broken because you took off all your armor in order to really become involved in this love- but in the end it only hurts you more. But even if you lose, you know you're going to do it again, after you heal from your battle wounds, you realize that it's worth it to find something so valuable.

And thus, I learn my lesson- I've been through the battle. Though my wounds are not yet healed, one day I will be ready to go back in.

Lists make me happy

Today was...
long
tiring
an emotional roller-coaster
just kind of blah all around

Yesterday was...
way more exciting than today
not an emotional roller-coaster
still long
also tiring
not blah at all
but made me think too much
made me question

Tomorrow will be...
amazing because no work
relaxing
laundry day
grocery day (there is no edible food in my apt.!!)
emotionally rebuilding and rejuvenating
reading/tanning at the pool day

(they are lofty goals, but at least if you shoot for the moon and miss you will land among the stars :))

oh summer...

I want to be all excited about this summer, my first one not going home to my family, my first summer in 3 years being single, my first summer as a college graduate. But instead of being excited it's kind of sad and I'm nervous about all of this.

Nothing worked out the way it was supposed to this semester. Instead of going to law school or doing TFA, I am staying at UNT and getting another degree. So it kind of feels like I'm not really moving on and accomplishing a whole lot. I know that in the long run it will all be worth it. And I mean, I finished my first degree in only 3 years and this next one will only take another year so I'm still finishing both in 4 years. I'm just trying to accept that everything happens for a reason and this will all work out better for me in the end.

As far as being in Denton, most of my firsnde went home and it's been kind of lonely here these last 2 weeks. It will be really great when one of my room mates moves back in this weekend! I think things will get more exciting soon though with more people around. But right now I'm working a lot and it's really exhausting, hopefully that will slow down some soon too.

I'm starting to come to terms with being single though and realizing that I really did do the right thing. I know it has taken some time, maybe it seems like too much time to some people, but we had dated for 3 years and we only broke up a couple months ago. Personally, I think that I am handling it pretty well. I really want to get back out there though and start meeting new people and just try and be open to new things.

I'm just hoping that this summer will be the start of a new phase in my life. New, different, exciting and challenging. And hopefully I will be able to be open to whatever life throws at me and take things as they come.